From a Distance
In this body of photographic work, I am looking at the effects of childhood trauma. I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Words, sounds, smells, and things I see can trigger intense feelings of despair, disgust, confusion, and melancholy. My work documents and observes the spaces people live in, as I process the world around me. The photographs I create are in complete focus to allow myself and the viewer to reflect on the past and present. I use my journals from the last ten years to connect my inner thoughts with what I see in front of my camera.
I could never stand the pieces of paper that got left in the binding when I tore out a page from my journal. For so many years, I have ripped out pages I wanted to ignore or keep quiet inside me. I look at the spaces where I could have lived, instead of where I did, and memories of my childhood flood my mind.
Through my photographs, spaces of play are turned to spaces of reflection. I am trying to understand why things like this happen. I make images that link my childhood experiences to the neighborhoods around me. When I see these spaces, I process through my childhood, what it was, and what I wish it had been. The act of taking a photograph functions as an outlet for my inner child to express her pain as I decide how to move forward as an adult.
I see new things; I mourn them; I grieve them; Eventually
I will not betray myself.